How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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