Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Randomize
