sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
