I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize