Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I am midnight drunk by noon
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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