just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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