you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
