What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
i think im in europe. pls send help
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
