There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
