i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
