Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
This baby is an asshole
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
