Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
