I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
