There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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