I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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