it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
