I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
