You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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