I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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