I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
