I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
