so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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