I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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