I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
