i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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