I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
People in love make me want to vomit
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
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