Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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