She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
being pregnant is like rehab
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
