i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
