I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
