she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize