So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
