plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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