Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
