And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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