i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
