And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
i've created a new STD.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
