Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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