If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
