His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
