There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
