If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I bet he comes in French.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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