thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Randomize
