No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
