mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
