She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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