i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
