I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
