C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I want to walk on stilts...naked
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
