I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
