Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
