I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
