hotel room ftw
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
