So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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