Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
