Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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