its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
