we're blogging at a bar
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
