i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
