So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
