If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
