Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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