I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
