My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
They are going to name an STD after you.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
