Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
