first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Never joke about your clitoris.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
You don't make any sense
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