I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Randomize
