Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
