sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
