He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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