what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize