I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize